Learning the hard way. That seems to be the story of my life. I envy the people that seem to have an easy life. My mother always said that what you see is not always the reality, but I would be happy to be able to fake it like they do.
Since I was little, it seems that I never could quite get it right the first time. I don’t know if this was because I was the first born child or just my personality or what. It could be that I am super stubborn (did I say that?). I would just jump into things feet first and deal with the consequences. I guess I never thought that there would be any consequences. But there always are, aren’t there?
My first huge lesson was getting married at age 17. I got pregnant, and things were fine for a while. Money was beyond tight, but we muddled through. He started to isolate me from my friends and family. But I didn’t realize this at the time. He was possessive and overbearing, but I just thought that was the way love was. I didn’t know any better. Along the way we had three beautiful children. If it weren’t for them, I am not sure where I would be right now. They really kept me going.
So fast forward to my late 20’s and we grew apart and starting drifting in different directions. I started going to college and that was really the beginning of the end for us. I guess he felt threatened by my trying to better myself and started accusing me of cheating. And what does an idiot do when he THINKS his wife is cheating? He cheats.
My youngest was less than a year old and I did not have a lot of options, so I tried to make it work for a while. That lasted about 3 years. Then I just couldn’t take it anymore. So we separated and he made my life a living hell. He did everything in his power to make life hard. He didn’t pay any child support for the longest time, he put nails and screws in my tire at least once a week. He drained the oil out of my car. He unhooked the brake lights as well. Mind you, this is the vehicle I drove his kids in!
It really got so bad that I moved someplace he could not find me. Then, miraculously, I wasn’t having the car issues anymore! Eventually, his efforts to prove his love to me happened less frequently and he fell in love with his best friend’s wife. Talk about a Jerry Springer show! I have to admit that this bothered me……. Not because I was jealous, but because I knew this person and it just felt very weird. The funny part was that he told me I was not allowed to date anyone he knew. Double standard! I had to come to terms with this though because they eventually got married. That union was going to last 11 years. The reason that union ended, according to my kids, is she was playing a game called Second Life and fell in love with her in game husband. Can you say kharma?
So I learned the hard way what love was not………..And so did he!